omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
