I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
two words...techno handjob
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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