If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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