Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
