she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
