can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
