are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize