I got chris browned last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
