I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
