What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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