toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
