I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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