Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
