Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm bleeding and have questions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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