totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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