Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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