She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize