Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
