dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize