The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
