Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
