Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
