Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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