ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
