the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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