The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
