I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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