Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My dick has a subreddit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
