sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
