She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
