it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
