There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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