So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
