I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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