is your mom at the bar?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize