you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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