the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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