I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
