I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
