In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
