thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
