He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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