I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
