she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
