My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
