If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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