doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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