dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you will always have a special place in my vag
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
