just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
this hospital has no fireball
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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