9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
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