there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
