The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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