i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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