I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
