U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize