Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
