I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
