So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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