peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
