arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
