My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think your dad took our porno
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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