i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize