I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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