ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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