I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
