I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
