my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
