Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
