Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
