Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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