Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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