you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
