mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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