can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize